physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
