Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
