he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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