just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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