I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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