hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
