Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
