Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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