Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
