I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
