Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
