We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
