I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just cut my nipple shaving
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
