woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
