Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
