hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pappa wants mamma naked
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
