someone threw a dead crab at me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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