Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
