My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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