I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
