Screwed.edu
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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