your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
