Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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