No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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