I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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