dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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