Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
