That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
