Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
operation harelip BJ is a go
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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