The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
