don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
