If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
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this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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