So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
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legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.