Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize