..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
