in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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