Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
