you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
