I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
