he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
