I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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