What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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