Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
