Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
