legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...