Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"