how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol