um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
