I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would fuck him just for his dog