Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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