there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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