i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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