every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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