There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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