Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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