if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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