Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
